balance · Healthier Eating · inspiration · motivation · new beginnings

What am I waiting for?

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I am stuck….can’t seem to get going…can’t seem to start.  I have struggled for the last year with weight and health. Don’t get me wrong, I am healthy but mentally I just don’t know sometimes.  I battle constantly with guilt and self worth. I can’t seem to get control of my wellness.  I don’t want to say life because in all other aspects of my life, I have control.  My job is successful, my relationships are full but when it comes to my health I can’t seem to get balance, to get consistency, to get focus.  I know what I need, I blog about it, I pin it, I follow it and I am inspired by it.  Yoga, Meditation, Spirituality, healthy eating…I feel like I am doing research on a book report that never ends.  And…so far I have enjoyed every bit of it….because it interests me, inspires me, ignites me!!  But something seems to be stopping me from adopting it as practice. I meditate…inconsistently, I do not make healthy eating routine and I have not yet begun to make yoga a daily ritual. And I hate myself for every failure, for every avoidance.  I even picture me…older….possibly even in the throes of last moments and feeling regret for all I always wanted to commit to and never did.  What the hell?? What needs to click in my brain to make me feel motivated…focused.  But I have to make it click….I need to re wire my brain to make it so. How do I do that?  Is this a start…admitting and laying it all out there?  Do I need to do some spiritual purging and get rid of some of my mental clutter?  Maybe I need  to have more humility  to accept that I need guidance? Or have the courage  to see that age is what is happening, accept it and fight it every step of the way!  Don’t fight the wisdom, don’t fight the grace, don’t fight the elegance, don’t fight the respect…BUT…battle the fatigue, combat the slow metabolism, wage war on the mood swings…..Fight it! But first I have to get un-stuck…to start….to begin!!  NOW!

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3 thoughts on “What am I waiting for?

  1. Aww, my heart goes out to you, Maurinha! From a yogic perspective, you’re already perfect and whole right this moment and every moment of your life. Sometimes the pressure of our own goals weighs us down and we feel suffocated before we have even attempted the next step on our incredible journeys. It helps to tune in to your body, ask it what it wants to do in any given moment and just go with that for a while. Sometimes our bodies act like vulnerable children. They just need reassurance that they are safe and loved, no matter what, and they will be happy. Take a deep breath and close your eyes, let your mind float around without restraint, and see if you can discern in this very moment what your body is crying out for. Is it a warm hug? Is it a downward dog? Is it a piece of chocolate or a quiet walk?

    Warmest wishes and best of luck on your inner and outer journey to wellness.

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    1. What wonderful words. They so warmed my heart, Thank you so much, I will reflect on these words and take the time to really listen to my body and show it some attention. I love your blog and I am so appreciative of your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

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