A feeling of …..Renewal!

Well another year has started and with it comes the expectation and pressure of resolutions.  I have never really bought into the whole New Year resolution thing.  I don’t need it to be January 1st to set a goal or pledge a resolution. But of course there is something tempting and enticing about a virgin year, not yet tarnished with past imperfections.  So every year I definelty ponder what was tried, what I learned, what I want and what I discovered. I will never be someone happy with the mundane or the ‘good enough’.  I live in a life of exceeding projections and creating new successes and I can thrive in that world. Sooooooo here I sit in a realm of thoughts, revelations, and hope pondering where to begin…..

I begin a year ago, similar feelings of hope as I began an exploration into a plant based lifestyle.  I was committed and I soon became educated.  I followed it for over 8 months, lost weight and felt good….But…..I never felt 100% me.  I am a die hard foodie and many times I felt as if I was stifling a very important part of me.  In the end, I learned soooo much and I will carry that knowledge forever into my life with food and as a person who loves to cook. It was a great experience and one that I shared with my best friend, who continues to live this lifestyle and inspire many others.  Looking back I wonder if maybe  I was meant to be on that path in order to support my friend on her journey.  I really do believe that everything  happens for a reason and if that is the reason, I would do it over again and again.  No time is ever lost or wasted in support of a friend or in personal lessons learned. And of course it is true that you really should try many things and experience much to find what ignites your spirit and feels good in your soul.  That experience forced me into deep discovery and profound realization and I come out of it sure  and clear of what I need to do.

Now a New Year begins and I am ready, I am excited and I am renewed.  My course will take me to a place of some comfort but also some ache. It will be a solo quest sometimes and a wandering with company other times. It begins with a new love and obsession with walking/hiking outdoors!  If you had said two years ago that I would own snowshoes and hiking boots I would have laughed!  And now I spend money on ice cleats, warm jackets and thermal wear!  I never even owned a toque before and now I own many!!  I even joined the 52Hike challenge and I feel nothing  but excitement and confidence that this is  challenge I will take head on!  I also have committed to rebooting my Yoga and meditation practice and I can not wait to feel the benefits of it’s routine.

Food, nourishment, healthy choices will be easy.  I joined Weight Watchers again and know that with it’s accountability and community I will have success.  I have realized that I respond well to some structure and responsibility but still require some free style thinking and cooking, WW allows that and has always worked for me.  I look forward to using what I learned on the plant based lifestyle to research many vegetarian options on the plan.  And most importantly I can steer and support my husband to follow this as well, after all living a healthy, vibrant full life includes him,  (as well as my family and friends.)

So here I go…feeling renewed, full of promise and determination with only one regret…..I wish I had started sooner!   But as many a wise person has said, “You are never to old and it’s never to late”

 

Uncertainty

It’s not a Race…..

There  are many ways you can take those words. “It’s not a race”. Yup, it’s not a , it’s not about who is better, who is more successful, or who has it figured out. It’s not about jealousy, envy or pride. It’s about researching your journey and exploring your path. It’s about inspiration and it’s about discovery. It’s about support and encouragement because  it’s not always about you! So take the pressure off and banish the guilt because It’s not a race

Teetering ….

Wow, is my life crazy right now!  It always gets a little hectic heading into the holidays in retail. But at this particular moment in time, it is a life unbalanced and teetering on disorder. Of course my job requires me to be focused, strategic, business minded and calm so it is not an option to let any of that go. People rely on me for support, answers and guidance, and the truth is I need and thankfully, love my job so it is not an option for it to not be a priority.  So right now, other things are a little ..wacky…not out of control but …controlled chaos….my version…..unsteadily functioning. But like many other things in my life, I can’t sustain this much longer and be happy.  I am not happy unless there is balance, achievement and pride.  So just as I do at work I will plan, research, devote time and commit to finding the balance and putting myself first. And yes “self first” will sometime mean doing for others because that makes me happy. The first step will happen next week as I have a rare and fortunate week off.  It will be my sabbatical, my opportunity for self equilibrium. Of course first I have to figure out where some roads lead for me, but that is part of this balanced journey.

Say it…face it!

 

I haven’t shared in a while. Seems as if when I am facing a new challenge or embarking on a new journey, it is hard to juggle all the other things in life. Because of course there are things that can never go on the back burner like family, friends and work, but as usual, those personal priorities take the back seat. Truthfully, I really could not wrap my head around all of it and stubbornness and conflicting importances can sometimes overwhelm.

But now I am feeling congested….with thoughts, whirlwinds in my head. Conflict, wonder and doubt taking up vacancy and causing me to …feel agitated…disappointed and unsure. But also hopeful….because writing again, thoughts coming on paper….is always therapeutic and necessary. Purging…..getting rid of the confessions and realizations before it changes who I am.

This blog has always been about getting healthy, self love and inspiration. But it also needs to be about self realization and discovery, even if it is not always positive. So time to write shit down and figure shit out!

10 months ago I embarked on a health journey that was mostly about plant based eating. My best friend had inspired me through her spirit and encouragement as well as her success so I thought I would give it a go. I had recently begun taking blood pressure meds and was struggling with 15 to 20 pounds that I did not really need to lose but wanted to. I embraced the Vegan food and followed a somewhat strict plan that included no added sugar, salt or oil. But I tried it, because honestly, I love a challenge, and I lost weight and felt pretty good. I am a big time foodie and love to cook and eat everything but I took this as a great opportunity to broaden my culinary skills. For the most part I enjoyed it but I always made it clear that I would still never do it 100%. I had no interest in completely cutting out dairy and my Mom’s homemade Portuguese sausage stuffing at Christmas would always be an indulgence. Also I never wanted to be someone who struggled with food at restaurants or dinner at friends. I learned a lot from it and don’t regret a thing but now comes the conflict in my head, in my heart, in my soul. I need to figure it out, because this is not it for me. And that is hard for me to say because it feels like failure, but it isn’t. It’s not failure but possibly just part of discovery. Now, I say discovery but that is not because I do not know who I am or what makes me tick. I do…but we are always evolving, learning and discovering new things, things that make us happy, better or healthier. Now, overall I am happy, and quite honestly, I am not unhealthy but I need to be better. Better at self love….self care…. in my soul, but mostly in my head! Yup…in my head, where shit goes to play games, where doubt, fear and self loathing goes. Where I tell myself I need to be skinnier, need to be prettier. That’s it really….those two things that torment me every day. Everything circling around that…say it…face it! I can not accept what I see and am always on the quest for that thing that will click in me, that thing that says..you are beautiful….just the way you are…will I ever get it? So that is why I venture on these paths, to try and figure out what will work for me, for who I am. At the end of the day I still need to be who I am. …………And I am not a vegan….now vegetarian maybe….through this I definitely know that meat will never be a big part of my diet. I don’t miss it that much and I am fascinated with the concept of Buddha bowls and all you can do with lentils, beans and veggies. So maybe at the end of the day I need to just face that I may have tried one thing that I am not able to do but through it I discovered that I can do something else.

AND….that’s ok….part of the journey is trying new paths, seeing where they will go and turning around when it isn’t where you wanted to end up. It is not failure, it’s just not your journey…your discovery…..or sometimes you do discover something else about yourself…….and that is for the next blog post.

Another Truthbomb trek….

I try and be positive, think positive, teach positive and post positive all the time. I truly believe that a positive mind brings hope, goodness and happiness, but all of us surrender to negativity briefly and maybe it is necessary. Life is sometimes hard and sometimes having a negative thought is necessary to feel gratitude. Sometimes a moment in the dark is required to see the colour and the light. A negative feeling is human I think, and different from a negative outlook or a negative spirit. A feeling does not last a lifetime and won’t have a negative effect on one’s soul and beliefs, hopefully it is simply a wake up call to the reality that much of what you have is positive, is beautiful, is deserved, is earned and is right.

Prayers answered…

 

We forget we are blessed. We need to be reminded of our fortunes. Never happy with our circumstance and always yearning for better. Thinking we deserve more and convincing ourselves of our entitlement. Forgetting that we have heart and home, health and stability, faith and hope. Not always noticing the brightness and the warmth, the experiences and the happiness, the love and the devotion that enriches our lives. Prayers answered again and again.

Your body knows….

Your mind can play tricks on you. That is what they say. Make you feel doubt, frustration, sorrow within the hope and joy. However, your body knows when you can sustain more. Your body reveals when you still have strength left. Your body has courage and will to overcome the fatigue and aches, as well as the bend that doesn’t break and the power that doesn’t fade. Your body pumps with aspiration and determination and convinces the mind to continue, to go forward and to overcome!

Long for another way…

Sometimes you have to change things up. There is more than one way, more than one solution. Why make life routine? Why risk the boring and mundane? More importantly, don’t give up because something is not working. Life is about taking chances. Be daring and brave! Step out of the comfort zone and crave something new, something different. Long for another way!